How do I know my sexual health?

Understand what sexual health means

When you ask, “how do I know my sexual health?”, you are really asking about several connected pieces of your well‑being. Sexual health is not only about avoiding infections or pregnancy. It includes:

How your body functions during sexual activity
How you feel emotionally and mentally about sex
How safe and respected you feel with a partner
How often you get recommended screenings and tests

A healthy sex life should feel mostly pleasurable, physically comfortable, emotionally safe, and medically monitored with regular checkups and testing. If any of these areas feel off, that is worth paying attention to.

Check how your body feels during sex

Pain and discomfort

Occasional brief discomfort can happen. Persistent or recurring pain during sex is not normal, and you do not have to just live with it. Pain that keeps happening can lower your enjoyment and your desire for sex over time (Adriatica Women’s Health).

Pay attention if you notice:

Sharp or burning pain with penetration
Ongoing soreness afterward
Pain that makes you avoid sex

If you have told a partner about your pain and they ignore it or keep going anyway, that is not just unhealthy, it is abusive. Your boundaries and comfort matter. In that situation, it is important to seek help from a trusted healthcare provider, counselor, or support service.

Pleasure and orgasm

You do not need to orgasm every time to be “healthy,” but your pleasure counts. A healthy sex life usually involves both partners being able to reach climax some of the time and feeling satisfied overall.

Signs you might want to check in with yourself or a provider:

You rarely or never feel aroused, even when you want to
You cannot reach orgasm, or it feels much harder than it used to
You feel disconnected from your body during sex

Openly talking with your partner about what feels good, what does not, and how much foreplay you need is part of sexual health (Adriatica Women’s Health).

Notice your sexual function and changes

For people with a penis: Erectile function

It is common to occasionally have trouble getting or staying hard, especially when you are stressed, tired, or anxious. That alone is not a red flag. Persistent erectile dysfunction is different.

Experts suggest you talk with a healthcare provider if (Greater Hartford Urology Group):

You struggle to get or keep an erection more than 25% of the time
It has been going on for several weeks or months
It is affecting your confidence, relationships, or quality of life

Erectile dysfunction can be an early sign of health issues like heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, or low testosterone (Greater Hartford Urology Group). Getting checked is not only good for your sex life, it can help protect your long‑term health.

Treatment options can include:

Lifestyle changes like exercise and weight management
Oral medications
GAINSWave® or other therapies
Hormone replacement when appropriate

Groups like the Greater Hartford Urology Group provide personalized ED care through board‑certified urologists (Greater Hartford Urology Group).

For everyone: Sexual difficulties that last

Sexual dysfunction means any ongoing problem that keeps you from enjoying sex, such as low desire, trouble with arousal, pain, or orgasm issues. It is very common. Up to 43% of females and 31% of males report some level of sexual dysfunction (Cleveland Clinic).

You should consider seeing a provider if:

Problems have lasted 3 months or longer
You feel distressed, frustrated, or embarrassed about them
Your relationship is being affected (Cleveland Clinic)

A typical evaluation may include:

A conversation about your medical history, medications, and symptoms
A physical exam
Questions about stress, mood, and relationship dynamics

Lab tests may be used in some cases, but they are often a small part of the overall picture (Cleveland Clinic). The encouraging part is that sexual dysfunction is usually treatable through counseling, education, communication skills, and sometimes medication or targeted therapies.

Evaluate your relationship with your partner

Communication and consent

Healthy sexual relationships are built on open communication, mutual consent, and respect. Signs of a healthy dynamic include:

You can talk about sex without feeling punished or mocked
You can say “no” or “not right now” and your partner accepts it
You both feel free to share what you like and do not like

If your partner pressures you, guilts you, or ignores your clearly stated limits, that is not a healthy sexual environment (Adriatica Women’s Health).

Boundaries and emotional safety

Notice how you feel before, during, and after sexual encounters:

Do you feel respected and emotionally safe?
Do you feel you can stop at any time and be heard?
Are your boundaries, including condom use or testing, honored?

Crossing clear sexual boundaries is a warning sign of an unhealthy or abusive relationship. Your emotional safety is a core part of your sexual health.

Consider frequency and satisfaction

You might wonder if you are having sex “often enough” to be healthy. There is no single magic number. What matters most is that you and your partner are both reasonably satisfied with how often you are intimate.

In many long‑term monogamous relationships, couples report having sex about 2 to 3 times per week on average, but there is a wide normal range (Adriatica Women’s Health). Healthy sexual frequency looks like:

You feel your needs are heard and considered
You and your partner can talk about mismatched desire without blame
You are willing to find compromises that feel fair to both of you

If there is a big gap between what you want and what your partner wants, a calm, honest conversation or couples counseling can help you navigate that difference.

Stay on top of STI testing

Why regular testing matters

Sexually transmitted infections are very common, and many have no symptoms at all. You can feel completely fine and still have an STI that could harm your health or be passed to a partner if it is not treated (CDC).

Untreated STIs can lead to serious problems, such as:

Chronic pain
Fertility issues
Complications in pregnancy
Increased risk of certain cancers

The good news is that many STIs are curable, and all are preventable with the right precautions and regular testing (CDC).

When and how often to get tested

General guidance suggests:

If you are sexually active, talk with your provider about which tests you need and how often
Getting tested yearly is a common baseline for many people
Get tested when you start a new relationship or end one
Some groups, including men who have sex with men, people with HIV, and pregnant women, may need more frequent or specific screening (Mayo Clinic, CDC)

Screening for STIs when you do not have symptoms is not always automatic, so you often need to ask. A Provider will typically:

Review your sexual history
Ask about any symptoms
Perform a physical or pelvic exam if needed
Order appropriate tests, which might include blood tests, urine tests, or swabs (Mayo Clinic)

If you are treated for certain infections, like chlamydia, you may be advised to retest about three months later to check for reinfection. You will also be asked to tell partners so they can get tested and treated too (Mayo Clinic).

If you feel nervous about testing

It is normal to feel anxious about STI tests. If talking to your usual doctor feels uncomfortable, you still have options. Many clinics offer confidential, free, or low‑cost testing (CDC).

You can find local testing sites through the CDC “Get Tested” website, which lists fast, low‑cost, and confidential locations near you (CDC).

Keep up with sexual and reproductive screenings

Regular screenings help you catch potential issues early when they are easier to treat. This is a core part of knowing your sexual health status.

According to the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences, routine sexual and reproductive health screenings can save lives because they catch problems before they become severe (UAMS News).

Pap smears and HPV testing

For many women and people with a cervix, guidelines typically recommend:

Start Pap smear screenings at age 21
If results are normal, repeat every 3 years
After age 30, you can often choose:
Pap smear plus HPV test every 5 years, or
Pap smear alone every 3 years

These tests help detect early changes that could lead to cervical cancer. Recommendations can vary slightly, so it is important to confirm with your own provider (UAMS News, Mayo Clinic).

Pregnancy‑related screenings

If you are pregnant, your provider will likely recommend several tests to protect you and your baby, such as:

STI screenings
Tests for gestational diabetes
Other prenatal labs based on your health and history

These checks are designed to catch and treat problems early so your pregnancy is as safe as possible (UAMS News).

Overcoming barriers to screening

Many people delay sexual health screenings because of:

Fear of results
Stigma around STIs or sexual topics
Misinformation about who “needs” testing
Limited access to care

Healthcare providers can play a big role in easing these fears through honest, nonjudgmental conversations (UAMS News). You deserve care that feels respectful and supportive.

Look at your lifestyle and daily habits

Your daily choices have a bigger impact on your sexual health than many people realize. Blood flow, hormone balance, and mental well‑being all connect directly to sexual function.

Body awareness

One key sign of good sexual health is simply knowing your body. That means noticing how your sexual function changes with:

Diet
Exercise or lack of it
Stress levels
Sleep
Alcohol or other substances

Men, in particular, often do not notice issues with erections or desire until they become more serious. Paying attention earlier can help you make changes sooner (UIHC).

Circulation, weight, and erections

For people with a penis, healthy erections depend on good blood flow. A molecule called nitric oxide helps relax blood vessels so blood can move into the penis. Common ED medications like Cialis and Levitra work by enhancing nitric oxide’s effects (UIHC).

Extra weight can increase inflammation and reactive oxygen species. These can interfere with nitric oxide and make erections more difficult (UIHC). Steps that can help include:

Managing weight with balanced eating
Doing regular cardio and strength training
Trying pelvic floor exercises (Kegels)
Using a vacuum pump device under medical guidance when recommended

Stress, smoking, and alcohol

Stress, tobacco, and heavy drinking can all make sexual concerns worse:

Stress tightens blood vessels and makes it harder to get or keep an erection (UIHC)
Alcohol in large amounts dulls arousal and erections
Smoking increases oxidative stress and damages blood vessels, which weakens nitric oxide’s effectiveness (UIHC)

Cutting back on alcohol, quitting smoking, and finding healthy ways to manage stress can all support better sexual function and overall health.

Put it all together: A quick self‑check

Use these questions as a simple personal checklist to get a snapshot of your sexual health:

Comfort
Is pain during sex rare, minor, and short‑lived?
If you have pain, is your partner responsive and willing to slow down or stop?
Pleasure
Do you generally feel satisfied with your sexual experiences?
Can you reach orgasm at least sometimes, or is it suddenly much harder than before?
Function
For people with a penis, are erection problems occasional or more than 25% of the time?
Have any sexual difficulties lasted longer than 3 months and caused distress?
Safety and respect
Do you feel safe saying no or changing your mind at any time?
Are your boundaries about protection and testing honored?
Testing and screenings
When was your last STI test?
Are you up to date on Pap tests or other recommended screenings for your age and situation?
Lifestyle
Are stress, sleep, smoking, or alcohol clearly affecting your desire or performance?
Are you noticing patterns between your daily habits and how sex feels?

If you see several areas that concern you, that is your cue to take the next step and talk with a healthcare provider.

When to talk with a healthcare provider

You do not need to wait for a crisis to ask about your sexual health. Reach out to a provider if:

You have persistent pain, low desire, erection issues, or orgasm difficulties
You feel worried or confused about your body’s changes
Your relationship is under strain because of sexual concerns
You think you might have been exposed to an STI
It has been a long time since your last STI test or Pap smear

Your provider can:

Answer questions about “how do I know my sexual health?” in your specific situation
Recommend the right tests and screenings
Explore medical, emotional, or relationship factors
Suggest treatments or referrals to specialists, therapists, or urologists

You deserve a sex life that feels safe, consensual, and satisfying. Paying attention to your body, your emotions, your relationships, and your regular screenings is how you truly know your sexual health and how to protect it over time.